The Slayers Race
by Cam Brydges
Summary: Let me see... the name pretty much explains it, but anyway, 8 of the slayers characters race against a rival of theirs for the grand prize: The Clair Bible! Rated G for now, but once Lina's turn comes, it will probably go up ^_^;;
1. The first race: Zelgadis vs Kopii

The Slayers Relay Race  
  
Konnichiwa! Salut! Hola! And Hello! This fic is one where the some of the Slayers cast are pitted against each other in a race to get the Clair Bible manuscript! Who will win? And most of all, seeing as I happen to be the host, what will I put them through? MUAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA*cough cough haaaaack* sorry.  
  
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Cam-Sama: Hello and welcome to the Slayers Relay Race! Here we will see the cast run and jump and trip and swim and, well, you get the picture! They have been strategically placed on teams so the competition will be best! They will be competing for the Clair Bible Manuscript! And now here come the contestants!  
  
Zelgadis: Hey! Let me go! I can walk just fine!  
  
Xellos: My, my, aren't we pushy?  
  
Kopii: Ow! Stop shoving!  
  
Filia: Hey let me go! I don't wanna *gasp**blush* HENTAI! *pulls out mace-sama* I BASH YOU GOOD! GET BACK HERE!  
  
Cam-Sama:*sweatdrop* A little early but oh well! Now, the rest of my victi- I mean contestants.  
  
Gourry: All right! I'm walking!  
  
Zangalus: BUT I DON'T WANNA GO! I WANNA KILL GOURRY!  
  
Gourry: Why do you wanna kill me?  
  
Zangalus: AHA! *pulls out sword* I'LL CHOP YOU INTO A MILLION PIECE-...eep.  
  
Cam-Sama had just given the death look, which meant "Stop or I get a rabid weasel and shove it down your pants!"  
  
Luna: Laaalalalalaaaaa *roller-skates in*  
  
Cam-Sama: I think she's a little too cheery...*looks at Xellos who's rolling in pain from the happiness* But I will fix that right up! ^_^  
  
Lina: Let go of me you creep! If you don't I'll give you the fireballing of a lifeti- Oh no! It's *gasp*HIM! *dum dum dum duummmm *  
  
Cam-Sama: That's right! I'm here to torture, laugh at, and humiliate you!  
  
Gourry: That's not very nice!  
  
Cam-Sama: I know! That's the point! Right audience?  
  
*crowd cheers*  
  
Cam-Sama: ^_^ See? Now, you all know what your doing here, right?  
  
Cast: No.  
  
Cam-Sama: Well, you'll be doing a relay race. The teams will be Lina, Zelgadis, Xellos, and Gourry on one team, and Luna, Kopii, Filia, and Zangalus on the other. You probably know who your going against so we'll get straight to one of the good parts! *brings out headbands and puts them on cast's head* There!, These will prevent you from teleporting, flying, and using any ability enhancing spells or overly powerful spells by zapping you. So in other words, the only magic you can use is a fireball or something weaker. Swords and Mace-Sama's are fine, so are staffs, jingly staffs, and roller-skates. And if L-Sama decides to pop in, she may use her shovel. (from what I've heard, she carries a big shovel)  
  
Cast: *jawdrop*  
  
Cam-Sama: Now. The first round will be Kopii vs. Zelgadis! Now, get to the starting line!  
  
Lina: What starting line?  
  
Cam-Sama:...umm...hold on a sec! *runs off screen and gets chalk**draws line* That one!  
  
Lina: *sarcastic voice*Oh gee, I'll bet this is gonna be just oodles of fun.  
  
Cam-Sama: HEY! Don't insult my fic! *pushes conveniently located zapper button*  
  
Lina: EEEEEEEEYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH! *sssssssssss*  
  
Xellos: Ow, that's gotta hurt. Luckily, I'm a mazoku so it shouldn't be able to hu-*zzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaappppppppp*X_X  
  
Cam-Sama: At this time, I would like to thank our sponsor, the Golden Dragon Corporation for supplying Xellos' headband.  
  
Filia: YAAAAAY! Go dragons! Go dragons! Go dra- *zzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaapppppppp*X_X  
  
Cam-Sama: And I would also like to thank our other sponsor, Shabranigdo Inc., for supplying Filia's headband. Now, like I said, the first racers are Zel and Kopii. Are you two ready?  
  
Zel & Kopii: Yes  
  
Cam-Sama: OK! Ready...set...  
  
Kopii: WAAAIT!  
  
Cam-Sama: What?!  
  
Kopii: Umm, since I'm blind and all, shouldn't I get a head start?  
  
Cam-Sama: Oh yeah. Go ahead.  
  
Kopii: *runs ahead*  
  
Zel: Um, Mr. Cam-Sama?  
  
Cam-Sama: Just Cam or Cam-Sama. And what?  
  
Zel: Only the real Rezo was blind. Kopii can see just fine.  
  
Cam-Sama: WHAT!!!?? *background turns into fire* HE'S DARES TO CHEAT IN *MY* FIC?! Filia! Can I borrow Mace-Sama?  
  
Filia: ARE YOU INSANE? OF COURSE NO-  
  
Cam-Sama: *pulls out zapper button*  
  
Filia: ok...  
  
Cam-Sama: GET BACK HERE KOPII! *lets out war cry*  
  
Kopii (off in distance): AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!  
  
Zel: *sweatdrop*...*grabs mic* And our first contestants are in the beginning stretch of the race! For those of you just tuning in, we have Kopii, a clone of an evil and deranged priest, and Cam-Sama, the enraged host of the show who happens to be trying to kill his opponent with Filia's Mace- Sama! The appear to be coming up on the first obstacle, a piranha infested pool! How will they get past this one folks? Let's look to the screen!  
  
Crowd: *looks at screen*  
  
Cam-Sama: I'LL KILL YOU! YOU LOUSY CHEATER!  
  
Kopii: IT WAS JUST A JOKE! I SWEAR!  
  
Cam-Sama and Kopii: AAAAHHHHHH! *screeeeeeeeeeeeeech*  
  
Kopii: How are we supposed to get past this?  
  
Cam-Sama: I don't know! I never thought I'd be running the race. And by the way...*BONK* there.  
  
Kopii: X_X  
  
Cam-Sama:*teleports back to beginning* Now, give me the mic Zelgadis.  
  
Zelgadis: But you were doing so good! And I like being host!  
  
Cam-Sama: Too bad! Now gimme!  
  
Cam & Zel: *fight over mic*  
  
Cam-Sama: DON'T MAKE ME USE THE BUTTON!  
  
Zel: Ok fine. But how am I supposed to-  
  
Cam-Sama: *teleports Zel*  
  
Zel: -race...  
  
Cam-Sama: Now, we're back and watching the contestants trying to get past the piranha pool. They are able to use the levitation spell as long as it isn't for the whole race, but I wonder if they know that... Ahh! It looks like Zel is going to try it!  
  
Zel: LEVITATION!  
  
Kopii: *grabs Zel*  
  
Zel: Hey! Let go of me! This is against the rules!  
  
Cam-Sama: *says through flying camera/speaker* No it's not! ^_^  
  
Zel: Damn...*sigh* fine. I'll bring you over.  
  
Kopii: HAH! SO LONG SUCKER!  
  
Zel: HEY!  
  
****About 10 Minutes Later****  
  
Cam-Sama: Well, our contestants are near the end of the race. I believe they will both have to fight a dragon! I didn't write any other challenges in this chapter because I couldn't think of any! But anyway, Here is Kopii, at the dragon. Oh, and here comes Zelgadis! We have given them 4 weapon choices, but they can only take one. They have: A sword, a bazooka, a magic amplifier, and a giant fish! It looks like Zel is taking the sword, and Kopii took the fish! That was a good choice since these particular dragons are allergic to sea food! And...oooooohh! That has got to hurt! Zelgadis was just hit with the dragons fire breath! He is now standing there and kinda twitching...Uhhh...nurse, is he alive?  
  
Naga the White Serpent Nurse (N.T.W.S.N): Oh yes! OOOOOOOHOHOHOHO! He's just in shock!  
  
Cam-Sama: Ok, good. And it looks like Kopii has just beaten his dragon and is running for the finish line! I think I see him...YES! There he is folks!  
  
Kopii: I'm gonna win! I'm gonna win!  
  
Cam-Sama: Aaaaaaand...KOPII WINS! That means Zelgadis is now out of the race! And speaking of which, where is he? *looks at screen* Oh...he's still standing there...OK, we need a medical copter sent over there immediately!  
  
N.T.W.S: You heard him! We need a copter! STAT!  
  
Cam-Sama: Well, that's it for race one! And team B has 1 point! It's a completely useless point, but they have it anyway! Tune in later for the next race!  
  
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Ok, that was a kinda stupid chapter, but I'll try and make the next one better, I promise! ^_^ Please R&R and also give me some idea's for the next challenges in the next race, and I'll put them in (I'll give you credit for them). Just put them in a review, or e-mail me at cam_the_weirdo@hotmail.com 


	2. The second race: Xellos vs Filia

Cam-Sama: I'm baaaaaack! And I'll try to make this chapter better than the last one, it was stupid. This one should have more stupid yet fnny challenges, and Filia will probably hit Xellos over the head, but that's OK! ^_^ Oh yeah, and if you forgot who N.T.W.S.N. is it's Naga The White Serpent Nurse  
  
***DISCLAIMER***I don't own Slayers, but one day I will! AND THEN...I'LL OWN THE WORLD! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!...sorry, burst of psychotic energy there...  
  
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Cam-Sama: And we're back at the Slayers Race where we are about to start round 2! This one will be everyone's favorite Golden Dragon...  
  
Filia: Thank you! Thank you!*bows*  
  
Cam-Sama:...Against everyone's favorite Mazoku!  
  
Xellos:*bows*  
  
Filia: BOOOO! BOOOO!  
  
Audience in the Golden Dragon section: BOOOO! BOOOO!  
  
Xellos:*gives death glare*  
  
Golden Dragons:...eep...  
  
Cam-Sama:*sweatdrops* OK then...aaaaaany way, these two will have to do another race to the finish for that completely useless point they'll get for winning! It has nothing to do with getting the Clair Bible, but that's just to bad. Now, get to your starting positions! Ready...set...g-  
  
Filia: WAAAAAIIIT!!  
  
Cam-Sama: WHAT!? Don't you dare say you should get a head start because your blind! I already know you aren't!  
  
Filia: Well, I just wanna finish my cup of tea.  
  
Cam-Sama: Grrrrr...if these things annoy me so much I don't know why I write them! HURRY UP FILIA!  
  
Filia: NO! Tea is one of those things that can't be rushed!  
  
Cam-Sama: Oh yeah? Muahahahahahaha! *makes some minor changes to the story* HA! Ohh Filia-chan! Would you please look in that mirror over there! *snicker snicker*  
  
Filia: Alright, but it better not interrupt drinking my- EEEEEEEEYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHGGG! *runs away, shrieking like a banshee* WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME! MY BEAUTIFUL BODY! GONE! WAAAAAAAA*sob*  
  
Cam-Sama: Will you race now? Or do I have to make it worse?  
  
Filia: I'll race! I'll race! But I don't see what can be worse than turning me into a copy of HIM!*points at Xellos*  
  
Cam-Sama: Oh, you never know what I'll think up!*turns Filia back to normal* Now...ready...set...GO!  
  
Filia & Xellos:*runs like crazy*  
  
Cam-Sama: Well, they're moving pretty fast! They're already out of-  
  
Lina: GOURRY! GIVE ME BACK MY CHICKEN! AND LEGGO MY EGGO!  
  
Gourry: THEY'RE MINE! I PAYED FOR EM'!  
  
Lina: AND THEN YOU GAVE THEM TO ME! NOW LET GO!  
  
Lina & Gourry:*wrestle over food*  
  
Cam-Sama:...please, everyone...just look at the screen. Ahh, good! Filia and Xellos have just made it to the first challenge! They have to play that American Gladiators game with the big staff things! They're opponents are big, yellow, furless gorilla's with lipstick on! Where do we get these weird animals? I have no idea! Ooooohh, that must hurt! Filia's gorilla just hit her over the head! She looks dazed...wait! She's getting back to...uh-oh, there's her tail! That can only mean!...  
  
Filia: HOW DARE YOU HIT ME OVER THE HEAD!? I'LL LET YOU MEET MY GOOD FRIEND MACE-SAMA! HEEEEYAAAH! *BONK*  
  
Filia's Gorilla: Duuuuhhh???*falls down*  
  
Filia: Haha! Victory! *does cheesy victory pose**blink blink* 0.o What am I doing! I gotta get moving! *dashes ahead*  
  
Xellos: I told you! The reason I beat you is a secret! Sore wa himitsu desu! And furthermore...Aak! Filia's already way up ahead! *runs after Filia*  
  
Xellos ran as fast as he could to catch up to Filia. He wanted to teleport but he knew he'd be zapped, which Cam-Sama hoped he didn't remember because there had been no zapping whatsoever in this chapter! H finally caught up to her, since she couldn't run as fast with Mace-Sama under her skirt.  
  
Xellos: My, my, Filia! You must be out of shape! I never exercise and I already caught up to you!  
  
Filia: WHAT!? JUST WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT CHALLENGE! I'LL BEAT YOU FOR SURE!  
  
Xellos: Ahh, and speaking of challenge, here we are! And it looks like we have to...AAAHHHH!  
  
Filia: AND FURTHERMORE- *GASP**eyes get big and shiny, background turns to pastel lights* TEA! I'M IN HEAVEN!  
  
Xellos: OOOOOOWWW! STOP BEING SO HAPPY! Erg...*falls onto ground*  
  
Filia:*still in overly-happy mode* But how can I stop with all this tea! And...ARE THOSE BISCUTS!? Oooohhh!*SSSLLLLUUUUURP* *CRUNCH* *sip* *CHOMP*  
  
Cam-Sama:*from starting line, looking at screen* Maaaaybe I shouldn't have made drinking that pool full of tea a challenge...I think Xellos is about to have some sort of seizure.  
  
N.T.W.S.N.: Oh, he'll be fine. It'll just take a while since Filia's not going to stop being happy until she's done her tea.  
  
Cam-Sama: Ok, good. And it looks like Filia's finished. And she's off to the next challenge, which I have a feeling she won't like...hehehe...  
  
Xellos: Ooohhgg! My stomach! Ahhg, at least she's gone. Now to drink the te- HEY! SHE DRANK MY TEA TOO!  
  
Cam-Sama:*from flying T.V./speaker* Well, that's OK! You get to go to the next challenge!  
  
Xellos: Woohoo!*runs off to next challenge*  
  
Cam-Sama: Well, let's see where Filia is! Ahh! She just about at the last challenge! Listen carefully folks and I bet you'll know when she get's there!  
  
*crowd listens carefully*  
  
Filia:*off in the distance*EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK! SPIDERS! I HATE SPIDERS! EYAAAGGHH! GET THEM OFF OF ME!  
  
Cam-Sama: See? ^_^  
  
*crowd turns back to screen*  
  
Xellos: Oooh! Spiders! Now, what do I have to do? Oh, the sign says...eat 5 of them? Well, that won't be too hard at all! *starts munching away*  
  
Filia: THERE IS NO WAY I'M EATING ONE OF THESE!  
  
Xellos: That's good Filia! You could stand to miss a meal anyway.  
  
Filia: WHAT!?*twitch twitch* I'LL SHOW YOU! *CRUNCH* *CHOMP* *SQUISH* *MUNCH MUNCH* BUUUURRP! HA! *hit's Xellos with Mace-Sama* See you at the finish line, sucker! AAAAHAHAHAHAAA!  
  
Xellos: Duuhh? X_X  
  
Cam-Sama: I think Filia has finally lost it...LOOK! THERE SHE IS! AND I THINK SHE'S GONNA WIN!  
  
Filia: YES! I won! I won! *does victory dance*  
  
Cam-Sama: Nurse? I think we need that medical copter for Xellos now!  
  
N.T.W.S.N.: Yes, sir!  
  
Cam-Sama: Well, that's the end of today's race! Tune in next time for the thir-  
  
Zelgadis: WAIT A MINUTE! You! You made me get burned to a crisp yesterday! You should have told us those dragons were allergic to sea food!  
  
Cam-Sama: Uhh...hehe...bye! *runs off screen*  
  
Zel: GET BACK HERE!  
  
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Cam: Well, that was a little better than the last chapter, I think. Please R&R and give me some idea's for the next race, Lina vs. Luna! ^_^ 


	3. The third race: Lina vs Luna

***Disclaimer*** I don't own Slayers. (Yet! I will one day! MUAHAHAHAAA!) And I took M. Cookie's idea for the chicken leg.  
  
Cam-sama: Whoa. Been a long time since I updated this fic. Well, it's about time I did.  
  
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Cam-sama: We're back at the Slayers Race again! Sorry for not getting back sooner, but SOMEONE messed up and put a very long string of commercials on... *glares at work crew* Well, we're about to start round three. Lina Inverse vs. her worst fear: Luna Inverse!  
  
Lina: WHAAAAT! I HAVE TO GO AGAINST HER?! WHYYYY MEEEEEE?! She'll murder me! *runs to exit* Let me out! LET ME OUT!  
  
Cam-sama: *pulls out zapper button* Ooohhh Lina-chaaaaan! ^_^  
  
Lina: I don't care! Zap me all you want! It's a million times easier than facing Luna!  
  
Cam-sama: Grrr...now I have to find another way to keep her here...AHA! *pulls out Swirly Vortex Thingy (tm)* Now where is it...hmmm...THERE! *pulls out shadow reflector* Hey, Lina, remember this?  
  
Lina: Huh? AAAAAAAAAHHHH! NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! I'll RACE! I'LL RACE!  
  
Cam-sama: Goooooooood! ^_^ For those of you who don't know, the shadow reflector makes an exact copy of the person it reflects, except the personality, which is the exact OPPOSITE. It happened to Lina once before, and the copy was a humanitarian, hated violence, and always wanted to talk things out. *shudders* And I won't even get started on the Naga copy. Anyway, to the starting line!  
  
Luna: Well, long time, no see, sis!  
  
Lina: Not long enough...  
  
Luna: Oh, and by the way, don't think I've forgotten the bath incident.  
  
Lina: Eep...  
  
Cam-sama: Ready...set...GRAPE!  
  
Lina and Luna:*take step forward, then stop*  
  
Cam-sama: Haha! Got you! GO!  
  
Lina and Luna: *start running*  
  
Cam-Sama: Well, let's watch, shall we?  
  
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Luna: Huff...Huff...hey, Lina! Look at this! *pulls out a chicken leg* fetch!  
  
Lina: CHICKEEEEN! *runs after chicken leg*  
  
Luna: Hehehe... Now, what's the first obstacle... Huh? A hoop. I have to jump through a hoop. How pathetic! The author must really be running out of idea's.  
  
Cam-sama: Not quite! Look!  
  
Hoop: *sets on fire, pulses electricity, spikes come out*  
  
Cam-sama: You have to get past that without being hurt!  
  
Luna: Oh great...  
  
Lina: LUNA! YOU DIRTY CHEATER! Huh? What's with the hoop?  
  
Luna: We have to get past it without getting hurt. Now let me see...if the pulses go this fast...and if I can jump through the exact middle...hmmm...  
  
Lina: Hmm...he said we have to get PAST it without getting hurt, he never said anything about going through it! HAHAHA! See ya, sis! *runs off*  
  
Luna: Huh? HEY! *runs after Lina*  
  
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Cam-sama: Well, looks like Lina found the loophole in the first obstacle, let's see how they do at the second one. They're just about to it.  
  
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Lina: Now, what do I have to do...huh? OH YEAH! MY KINDA OBSTACLE! I think I have to out eat Luna! Heeheehee! ^_^  
  
Cam-sama: Nope. You have to out UN-eat Luna. We have to see who can go the longest without eating, neither of you can move until the other one starts eating, and then, the one who starts eating has to finish it all.  
  
Lina: WHAT? NOOOOO! T_T  
  
Luna: Well, I'm gonna win this one! You never could pass up food.  
  
Lina and Luna: *sits down in front of food*  
  
Luna: Only a matter of-  
  
Lina: *starts wolfing down food*  
  
Luna: -time...well, off I go! *starts running*  
  
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Cam-sama: Looks like Luna's gonna be at the finish line first! If you'll look back to the screen, please.  
  
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Luna: Huff...huff...I'm gonna win!  
  
Lina: I don't think so, sis!  
  
Luna: HUH? How did you get here so fast?  
  
Lina: HA! I could eat twice that much and still catch up to you!  
  
Luna: Hmph. You still won't beat me! I'm still ahead, and the finish lines right over there!  
  
Lina: Hmmm...LOOK! ISN'T THAT CEPHIED?  
  
Luna: What? Cephied-sama? Where?  
  
Lina: *runs past* Think of it has payback for the chicken leg, Luna. Bye!  
  
Luna: HEY! *starts running*  
  
Cam-sama: And the winner is...LINA INVERSE!  
  
Crowd: *cheers*  
  
Cam-sama: Well, that's it for this race! Stay tuned next time for Gourry vs. Zangulas! 


End file.
